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Babies & other hazards of sex : how to make a tiny person in - download pdf or read online

By Dave Barry

ISBN-10: 0878575103

ISBN-13: 9780878575107

In this vintage crack-up of a ebook, Dave Barry offers his wacky viewpoint on intercourse, childbirth, parenting and other kinds of gradual, merciless torture.

In Babies and different risks of Sex, Dave exposes normal childbirth for what it truly is: a pop phenomenon of the Sixties that, in addition to paisley bell-bottoms and artistic sideburns, merits a leisure. He examines the recent federal legislation requiring potential fathers to unfastened themselves from their self-made macho prisons--to snicker, cry, love and simply in most cases behave like qualified wimps.

Dave additionally unearths, for the 1st time in print, the key chant for painless childbirth.

Then study why no mystery chant might be able to take a woman's brain off the truth that she is in such soreness that she desires a huge comet to crash into the earth and kill her and her husband and the dotor and the nurses and everybody else within the world.

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Additional info for Babies & other hazards of sex : how to make a tiny person in only 9 months, with tools you probably have around the home

Example text

Well! So here we are! We’ve taken your baby from a little gourd-like object with virtually no marketable skills to a real little human being, capable of putting the cat in the dryer and turning it on all by himself or herself. Sure, it’s been a lot of work for you. Sure, you would have liked to have had a few more quiet evenings alone, just the two of you sipping wine and talking instead of sitting in the hospital X-ray department, waiting to find out whether your child had, in fact, swallowed the bullets that it snatched out of the belt of the policeman who was writing a traffic ticket because you smashed into the furniture store when your child threw your glasses out the car window.

You don’t want your child exposed to that. The Little Boy and the Toad (A Child-Participation Bedtime Story) It’s good to encourage your child to participate in making up stories. Here’s a bedtime story I used to tell Robert, with his help: ME: Once upon a time, there was a little boy named John. ROBERT: No. Lee. ME: Okay. There was a little boy named Lee, and one day he was walking along, and he ... ROBERT: No. He was driving. ME: Okay, he was driving along, and he saw ... ROBERT: In a Jeep. ME: He was driving along in a Jeep, and he saw a little toad.

I don’t know the details, but it sounds much less painful than the usual route, although you’d have to balance that against the fact that the baby would be extremely small and cylindrical. It would look like those little Fisher-Price people. But whether you have another child or not, the important thing is that you’ve experienced the fulfillment that comes with being a parent. You may feel your efforts will never be rewarded, but believe me, you have sown the seeds of love and trust, and I guarantee you that there will come a time, years from now, when your child–now an adult with children of his or her own–will come to you, and, in a voice quaking with emotion, ask for a loan for a down payment on a house much nicer than yours.

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Babies & other hazards of sex : how to make a tiny person in only 9 months, with tools you probably have around the home by Dave Barry


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